I’m struggling

I am not at peace here and haven’t been for a long long time

I’m surprised to look back and see there was a time when it wasn’t like this

And I don’t know when it changed 

I think when I left home I still felt close to my brothers

And when I went travelling 

I feel all the judgements and anger

And resentment and a lot of sadness

I feel I am too focused on all the negative

And feel I cannot possibly be myself in any shape, way or form

My little voice was trying to come out publicly 

And it does feel completely shut back up in its box

But maybe this is just the birthing canal labour pains 

The crows are still speaking

And the rhythms of the moon are still marking the time

I’m trying to release the triggers and stay in the love ocean

I am releasing the triggers 

but I’m not not succeeding at staying in the love ocean

My heart throbs

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